Bones
by Unicorn Which Is Sparkly
Summary: The Bones and other creatures from the valley get a few surprises. WARNING: Extreme sex scene.


The cow had just woken up to the sound of roosters crowing, and stretched its knobby legs. It looked around, twitching its ears as it heard the birds. A fly buzzed around its tail, so it swatted at it lazily. When it felt prepared to move, it slowly walked around, breathing in the morning dew.

It felt something deep in its rump. When it bowed its head to chew some grass, it saw that it had a pulsing downstairs. The cow suddenly felt adventurous. It walked faster towards the door to the farmhouse, every step becoming increasingly aroused. It looked up into the window and saw none other than its owner, a small woman knitting at the workbench. The cow sighed.

Gran'ma Ben was in a tense and unpredictable mood this morning. It was the morning of the Great Cow Race, and she was planning to win this year as she had every other year. She fed the chickens in the small barn by her room and went back into the farmhouse, where she cleaned up from breakfast. She thought she could hear some heavy breathing, but thought nothing of it.

"Must've been the chickens eating," she said without a second thought. She went back to knitting her scarf, sitting on a workbench that her father bought for her. It was a windy morning, so she put the fire on.

She sat there knitting for a good five minutes when the fireplace went out. Intrigued, she went to investigate: the wind had gusted down the chimney.

Shivering, she went back to the bench. She was very cold now, so she walked around the house. She discovered that the tiny window on the front door was blocked, there was a dark shape covering it. She thought it was a piece of wool or hay that had blown up against the door.

Gran'ma Ben opened the door and came face to face with one of her male cows, Bertus.

"Bertus, what are you doin' out by here?"

The cow didn't answer.

"Bertus?"

Bertus remained motionless.

"Come on, let's get you back to the pen."

Gran'ma made a motion to go around and lead the cow, but Bertus had something else in mind. He pushed her backwards into the house.

"Bertus! Stop it!"

When he made no intention of stopping, she scrambled around and tried to grab her AK47. Bertus slammed her onto the kitchen table, rearing up on his hind legs.

From this view, Gran'ma Ben could see all the parts that were making him do this. She saw her chance - she grabbed a dirty plate and smashed it over his head. Bertus fell to the floor, still aroused.

Gran'ma rushed out of the house, grabbing pepper spray and a pistol. She dashed along the dirt path to Barrelhaven, not looking behind her.

Her head was racing - who could she find? Thorn? No, she would just whine about it like the lunatic she is. Lucius? No, the last thing she wanted to tell her crush was about how she almost got raped by her cow. She had to find someone though...

She stopped beside the Barrelhaven tavern and looked inside. There was an air of partying, and no one looked up as she stopped beside the door. Smiley and Phoney were sitting at the bar. They were talking and looked up, and Smiley noticed Gran'ma waiting outside the door.

He made his way to her.

"Howdy, Gran'ma Ben! You look beautiful today!" He smiled.

Inwardly, she thought this was sort of odd, but thought nothing of it.

"Smiley, do you know where I can find help? I've just been traumatized," she asked less than politely.

"Well, when I'm feeling kinda traumatized, I wean it out with a beer or two!"

She decided to go in and have a drink. What harm could it do?

Ben and Smiley came back into the bar, getting weird looks. It was still 10:30 in the morning, so it was odd to see her drinking. Even odder was the fact that she drank at least 10 beers. She fell asleep to the sound of Smiley and Phoney arguing...

She finally woke up. Her hands were still clasped around a beer glass, but she didn't care. It was nighttime already. She looked at the clock again: 11:00PM.

"Holy Jesus, did I miss the Cow Race?"

Smiley was there. "Sorry Gran'ma! No one could wake you up! You were fast asleep."

She slumped in her seat. The only year she hadn't won.

"Cheer up, Rose!"

She thought it was odd of Smiley to address her as an old friend, but played along.

"Will you be okay to walk home? I thought there were warnings of rat creature sightings, and we have a hotel above the bar if you'd like," Smiley asked cordially.

"Sure, okay," she replied absentmindedly. She let him lead her up the stairs to one of the rooms, a dusty wooden place but nonetheless shelter. She got into bed immediately.

"Anything else, Gran'ma?"

"No, thank you..."

She drifted off immediately.

-Bang-Bang-Bang..-

Rose woke with a start and checked her nightstand. 12PM. She had slept for one hour. What had woken her up?

-Bang-Bang-Bang...-

She had to get up. Walking out of the room, she saw a light on a few doors down. The sounds got louder as she approached the room. She knocked - The banging stopped for a second and she thought she could hear a low voice. It continued again. Worried now, she opened the door.

Smiley was on top of Lucius, and Lucius was groaning. With horror, Gran'ma Ben realized that they weren't wearing clothing and there was a candle in the corner. What's more, they didn't seem to have heard her come in. She tried to close the door quietly when the floorboard groaned loudly under her foot.

Lucius looked sideways at her.

"Rose! I didn't.. I mean.."

He stopped talking. He looked mildly sad for a moment, then Smiley started thrusting against him again. He couldn't help it. He was a sucker for little ones.

Rose watched for a moment, the rhythmic slapping of Bone on boner lulling her into a daze. She walked closer to Lucius, the light playing off his beard and strong arms were enough to kill her.

The next thing she knew, she was in bed beside Smiley and Lucius was coming down on them hard. First he entered Smiley's anus, penetrating deep - Smiley let out a groan and closed his eyes. Lucius came out of him, took a deep breath - his penis was covered in blood - and came down on Gran'ma. She felt his pulsating muscle deep within her, and lost all sense of reality. All she could think was - Damn, Lucius is fine.

They repeated these for a while - Sometimes Smiley would be the top, but he wasn't nearly as experienced as Lucius. She could tell Lucius had done this before. A lot.

Smiley tried to push deeper but she kept gasping for Lucius to come back, after all, he was the only one she could think about. He was getting even bigger, and she could feel him tensing up inside her. He thrusted again and again, getting wetter and wetter, sweatier and sweatier, hornier and hornier. At long last, he stopped for a second.

Gran'ma was almost there, but she stopped as well. Lucius looked her in the eye, and she understood what he meant by this look.

Rose turned around in the bed so her feet were at the headrest, and opened her mouth wide. She knew what was coming, knew what she was about to face...

Lucius plunged his magical wand into Gran'ma Ben's mouth, almost reaching her throat but pulling out instantly.

Gran'ma looked at him questionably.

"Lucius?"

"Rose, can you take out your dentures?"

She giggled and took them out, clamping them around Smiley's boner. Why not? She laid back down and took Lucius in, gasping for air now and then. Lucius was throbbing more now - she wondered if he was about to peak - and she heard him shout "Almost there!"

She sucked harder, getting prepared for it, and all of a sudden she felt Lucius's tongue inside her vagina..

"I can't let myself have all the fun!" He yelled.

They continued this full on sixty-nine. After a while, she felt Lucius tug a little - this must be it.

He groaned loudly, and into her mouth she felt something wet start...

The aftershocks kept coming. Her mouth was full to the brim now - and she had a dilemma. Should she swallow?

The answer was inevitably yes.

Smiley was having fun too, oh yes. She could hear him groan as Lucius entered him again, and knew that they were done for the night. She was in a daze - she hadn't gotten that much action for 60 years.

The next day she woke up to the sound of a shower running. She could hear Lucius whistling, and was instantly aroused again. She didn't quite get enough action last night it seemed.

Lucius was hard. She walked over, sucked it for a second, stood up, eyed him - he looked perplexed - and ran out of the house.

He followed her, still naked.

"Rose, what's wrong? I thought last night was excellent..."

"It's not that, I'm just not adequate for you it seems."

Lucius entered her again, and they thrusted on the lawn for a while.

"That should clear up any confusion! I -"

A bug had hopped up onto Lucius's back. It was Ted.

"H'guys, how's'it g'ing?"

Gran'ma Ben didn't know how to reply. Ted had never seen her vagina before.

"Ted! What a surprise..."

"Oh, t's not jus' me, there's Fone and Thorn here too!

Rose fainted with Lucius still in her. He screamed.

Thorn and Fone were going to the well to get water when they heard groaning. Intrigued, they wondered if an animal was wounded. They passed a spawn of firs and stopped. They saw Gran'ma Ben and Lucius in a clearing, thrusting back and forth. When they parted, Thorn and Fone could see Ted peeking out from under Lucius's groin. Looks like he was having fun too.

Thorn gasped. Fone was transfixed.

Gran'ma looked over and saw Fone and Thorn.

"I can explain, honey!"

"There's no need to explain," said Thorn. "I've predicted this for a while."

Thorn proceeded to take off all her clothes. Lucius sighed. She laid down beside Rose and said, "it has to be done right!"

Lucius and Fone Bone were coming down on Rose and Thorn, switching partners frequently. After a while, Smiley and Phoney came down the road making out, and joined the mass love affair. Why not? The Bones and Rose didn't even notice...

Not even when Jon came and laid down beside Thorn. No one had known before that he was bisexual, but now they did.

That is how the day ended, with Lucius coming down on Thorn, Rose and Jon. With Fone Bone lovemaking to Jon and Lucius. With Smiley and Phoney in a corner playfully wrestling. Even the cow joined in, and did anyone mind? Nope.

Their day had turned upside down, just like Rose.


End file.
